Ze Germans and Zer Funny ways

Having been a Gringa in Latin America for so long it was interesting to be on a new continent, immersed in a new culture. Although I do have a bit of history with Ze Germans, I worked three years for Lufthansa in a call centre where all my supervisors would stand behind me speaking loud aggressive German. I didn’t know if I was doing something wrong or right or they were just gossiping about getting shit faced the night before. I had flight benefits whilst working for them and had to fly standby so the Frankfurt airport became a familiar place to spend the night curled up on a hard chair waiting for my next flight out of that country. Only once did I stay in Germany while working for them and that’s when they paid me to go to the Lufthansa training complex in Seeheim or as my supervisor called it Sexheim. Apparently there is quite a bit of bed hopping in the complex that has three bars, a bowling alley, squash courts, a pool, sauna and Turkish bath but I won’t go into what happened when I was there.

So I already knew quite a bit about Germans before but now I was in their natural habitat where I could observe them properly and from my extensive research I have compiled a list of what I found.

Germans are quite modest and shy. Whenever I approached one to ask for directions I felt it polite to ask in German first if they spoke English and 100% of the time they would always say, just a little but then they carry on a full conversation in perfect English.

It is true Germany is very clean and very environmentally friendly. Everywhere outside there are not just garbage bins which a lot of cities lack but there are multi sectioned bins labelled for recycling ; plastic, cans, paper etc.. It took the London boy forever to figure out the rubbish bins.

There is no background noise. Seriously! It is really really quiet! Even if you see a construction site you can’t hear the work going on. There is some sort of efficient German vortex that sucks up the background noise in cities. The trams would come into the square pick people up and breeze out without a sound. I felt like I was in the Steven King movie The Langoliers. No horns honking, no music playing, no murmur of people chatting, it was very perplexing and haunting.

My friend who I came to visit however didn’t agree with me so I put it down to the fact that I am used to the organized chaos of Latin America. English boy who I met in Colombian noticed this as well as my friend who I lived with in Mexico. It was too quiet and it actually really bothered me.

Perhaps if the activities on the street were a bit louder I would have been able to hear the thousands of bicycles that almost ran me over. I was starting to accept the fact that I was either going to die in this country by being run over by a bike or a tram. Everyone rides bikes. There are huge parking lots just for bikes with thousands all chained up. You have to really make sure where you are walking because if you are on a bike path look out they ain’t stopping.

I could really go on about the crazy things in Germany like those white sausages they like to eat in the Beer Haus that look like a Ginger man’s penis (not that I have ever been with a Ginger man but that is what I expect they would look like). Their love of bakeries and sweets but yet they all stay quite slim. How I found their language sounds quite dirty like this sign I discovered:

And my friend’s favourite saying: “Gute Fahrt”

I do have to say my favourite funny thing in Germany is the observation deck. Now I am referring to the toilets. Germans have their own unique and amazing toilets! There is a small space for the water to go down and a little deck for your poo to drop where you can have a good look and check 'er out. However there are a few negatives to this amazing invention.

1. There is no water to hide the smell of your number two and let’s face it your shit does stink!

2. What happens when you have the diarrhoea? I didn’t come across this problem but I am thinking, your going to have one messy arsehole.

3. If it's a fair size, like she was a pretty dense jobby then even the pressure of the water isn’t going to help it off that shelf.

The English Boy and How it all Went Wrong

I came to Karlsruhe to visit my best friend from Canada and the English Boy who I thought was crazy for me tagged along. He had literally swept me off my feet right from my arrival to the airport. Little did I know the enthusiasm of our first few days together would wear off and so quickly. I guess the Tracy expiry date is a lot shorter than I thought? I was baffled how someone could be so happy and excited to see and be with me in London then as soon as we stepped off the plane into Germany it was a whole other story. I was ignored; everything I said was criticized and argued with. I felt like a complete idiot trying to get his attention. I watched my Euros I spent on the B and B go down the toilet along with my dignity. I am a strong independent traveller, a free spirit, a gypsy. I leave hearts broken in my wake as I venture across the lands but there I was trying to please him. I couldn’t help it though he fuelled my desire and I jumped into the fire head first arms flailing.

I wasn’t staying in England forever so what was the problem? No pressure, no string attached just fun and lovin and well if something happened then something happened. In Colombia we had endless chats lying in a hammock but now I had to drag conversation out of him. We kept in contact and talked on Skype with no problem but now in the flesh in Germany I felt like he was slipping away like sand through my fingers. What happened to the fun, free spirited person I had met in South America?

I am beginning to realize people are different when they travel but the thing is I really don’t think I am. For me this is my life, this is my lifestyle, I am not on a round the world bender. I am not more outgoing; I don’t party more or drink more. I don’t do drugs just because it’s “Colombia”. I admit I may date more men on my travels but do you know where I am from? Could you picture me in a pick-up truck? I didn’t think so. To me traveling isn’t vacation, it isn’t an all inclusive, it’s my life and my most transcendental work. I don’t act crazy and wild and do whatever I want because I think this is a once in a lifetime experience. To me everything is a once in a life time experience.

I have met up with a few people in Canada who I met traveling but this time around I have really noticed people are different but this isn’t a bad thing. People sometimes go away to try new things, find themselves, be someone else, let loose and lose control. Travel to some people is an escape and then I they all eventually come back to reality where they work, live in tiny flats, are in relationships and don’t even know where the closet pub is. They give in to the mundane.

Maybe they are the smart ones, maybe I am avoiding reality but maybe I just have a different reality where I take chances, I talk to strangers, I dine alone in a restaurant, I do everything to not live in a bubble because no matter where I am, in my hick hometown in Canada, in South America, Europe, Montreal, the world is amazing and everyone has a story.

I really didn’t understand this English boy’s problem but he probably didn’t understand either. Again I think it’s a traveller thing, I found it quite easy to read my tarot cards to travellers usually they were quite confused and in a crossroads in life. Well call me stupid but I thought I would take a chance. I was disheartened but I was in Germany after all and he shipped back to the UK......

Karls.....what?

I landed in Karlsruhe to visit my friend from home who is now working in this random Germany city after falling in Love in a Germany, Belgium, and France mixture of a guy when she lived in Australia. They kept their romance alive over an entire year a part with her in Canada and him in Germany. He was now in Strasbourg France just across the border from her in Germany. Finally their love could flourish and grow.

This girl has to be my oldest best friend. Who has been a part more in the last five years than together with me in Greece, Egypt, Jordan, England, Mexico....well with me all over the place and her in Australia? Through it all we have always stayed close true friends. Even if we don’t hear from each other in ages we know that no time or distance can disrupt our friendship and that is a true friend. She came to visit me when I lived in Greece and now it was my turn to visit her in her far off land.

I came just in time as well; she was finding herself missing home and being frustrated by not knowing the language and not having people to talk to. She said she never felt this way in Australia because it was such a similar culture to Canada that she didn’t feel home sick. It was familiar and comfortable for her. For me however I had to admit to her I am quite the opposite, when I am in a country where I don’t know the language where the culture is different and everything is new and unknown I will never miss home. I absorb the culture and try to immerse myself. A new country to me is a new challenge. How could I even think of home when I am dancing in a square in Mexico or playing paddle ball and trying to speak Portuguese on the beaches of Rio. I want to know everything about the place I am in, I want to learn the language and learn about the people from what they wear, what the drink, and their unique mannerisms to traditional dance and legends.

I was happy and excited to be in Germany, just for the fact that it was a new place to conquer and a new challenge for me. I tried to order bread in the bakery below our B and B every morning in my most horrible German. I couldn’t default to Spanish and I forced myself not to speak English which made it quite hard with my ten German word vocab but I put the effort and always came away giggling with the ladies in the bakery or the guy at the train station.

Karlsruhe wasn’t really the most fascinating city to visit but I didn’t go to see the city I went to see my friend. I did enjoy it though. It had a fantastic zoo right smack in the middle of the city. There is a beautiful palace with huge gardens. The square in the centre has a market in the middle and is lined with old buildings housing cafes perfect for people watching. All the restaurants have outdoor seating which was still being used even in the cold weather, they had throw blankets on all the chairs for people to keep the afternoon wine and beer drinkers warm. The surrounding country side is amazing for hiking which we really didn’t have time to do. There are also baths close by which the countryside is named after “Baden Baden.” This busy business centre isn’t so much a tourist haven but with a local guide I saw a different side of Germany.

The answer is a Backpack, always a Backpack!!

Once you become a real traveller you really can’t go back to a suitcase lugging one week vacationer. Even though I wasn’t on a one week I was lugging a suitcase. I figured this would be better for bringing over my friend’s snowboarding clothes and the shit load of Canada mitts I bought for people. I thought I was doing well, that was until I met my opponent: The budget Airline!

The English Boy and I were off to Karlsure....Karlsrua...Karls what?!

Anyway we were off to Germany to visit my best friend from Canada.

My original plan was to wear my friend’s board coat and pants on the flight then only my clothes and toiletries would go in my backpack and we would be sorted. The boy decided he wanted to bring his fancy digital SLR camera which took up his whole carry on, so we needed my suitcase. We had to pay an extra 25 pounds each direction to bring on a case weighing no more than 15kg. I believe my suitcase alone with nothing in it weighs about 10kgs; there must be lead weights imbedded in that thing. There really wasn’t much in there but we were over the 15kg at the check in counter. So there I was sitting on the floor of the Stansted airport putting everything in my carrying on bag, leaving a few items in my actual suitcase so I wouldn’t be charged 20 pounds per kilo over.

Looking at the contents left in my suitcase I was beginning to realize my backpack would hold way more and weighs nothing. These cases are quite deceiving. Really people must just use them because they don’t want to look like a backpacker because they really aren’t practical at all.

I feared the gate was going to say something about the size and weight of my carry on because it contained the majority of the contents of my suitcase. Instead we were held up at security and there was a huge line of bags to be inspected and the boy’s camera bag was last in line. The grumpy security officer told us if we didn’t have liquids in our bag then we wouldn’t be in this situation. We didn’t have liquids though! It was just his camera equipment and an over cautious person on the scanner machine. I left without him as our plane was boarding and ran through the airport to the gate which was the further away. Luckily there was a huge line of people and when I arrived they were only boarding priority members which in his German accent sounded like piratey members and confused the hell out of me. The boy also made it onto the flight, although in retrospect I would have been a much happier person in Germany if we took off without him....but I won’t get to that yet.

Tracy's Guide to Exploring London: Part Two

Exploring London Day Two

I attended a travel writing seminar in Washington DC in 2006 and the editor of the magazine told us the best way to discover a city is to walk walk walk and walk. Your shoes should fall apart by the time you get back from all the walking. Most importantly get completely lost, throw your map away and get lost.

The getting lost part isn’t so much a problem for me with or without a map. I took myself into Central London from Ealing and left my camera behind. I had been to London several times before and had done the touristic things. So in the end how many photos of Big Ben can you really have? My friend who I am staying with wasn’t a fan of my leave your camera behind and just experience idea. He seems to think a lot of my ideas are silly but we won’t go there right now. What if I saw something unexpected that I wanted a photo of or something I really wanted to remember?

This all goes back to my to use a camera or to not use a camera debate. Do you remember a moment better with a camera because you have caught that moment frozen in time forever? Or are you missing out on the moment and only remember it all from that photo and not what actually happened?

To end the debate I decided my first day I just want to take it in absorb it and be in the moment. Let my mind and senses take over. The rest of the days my camera will be with me, like it always is my little green friend.

I wandered Oxford and Bond streets with their old buildings that house popular clothing shops like Top Shop, H & M, River Island and Urban Outfitters. I then walked through James Park where I sat on a bench and ate my lunch. A strange Chinese man was taking sneaky photos of people in the park. The fountain at Buckingham Palace was getting a facelift so it all didn’t look so nice. I carried on to the houses of Parliament, Big Ben, The London Eye and the Thames.

I came here to this city to visit old friends but as I wandered the streets of Central London I realized the city itself was an old friend. I felt comfortable navigating the tube and the streets. I gave tourist directions to the Tate Modern and because I have seen it all before I could just enjoy it. It’s nice coming back to a city in another country, going to your favourite shops, knowing where the cool little cafes are and quiet parks. I could have brought my camera but instead I will relay on my memory and if that fails me at least I know when I am old, senile and living in the past I will live this day all over again and enjoy the shops, the cafes and that strange Chinese man in the park with a smile.