Monday, October 17, 2011

The World Is Not Enough

Sometimes I feel like getting on a plane again and taking off because for me it’s so much easier to be a stranger in a strange land than just somebody at home. I am back in my parent’s basement, looking for jobs, cleaning houses for my cousin to make some extra cash and biding time. I am back where I was two years ago. What am I doing here is a constant question that is ringing in my head. Why am I back here?

I asked my tarot deck what was going to happen, it told me I was bored but there are opportunities being handed to me that I am ignoring. It also said that everything will be ok I will leave the troubled waters and I will have public acclaim. I asked it point blank about him and it gave me the hermit card. The Hermit is a card of introspection, analysis and, well, virginity. Thank you! Just what I needed!

I realized then the guy I am completely crazy about is me two years ago but I’m not. I am different I have grown and I am not going to make the same decisions again. It’s so not me to chase after a guy anyway. They are the hunter and gatherers, hunt and gather me. Maybe I will see him again in some other time or place.

In the end things really are going to be OK

I have a job in my hometown in Canada with a radio station. I bought a one year gym membership, a cell phone and my parents are letting me have my old car back. I am also on the lookout for an apartment. Am I settling down and becoming like the rest of the world? Am I going to deal with the monotony of everyday life and live pay cheque to pay cheque waiting for the weekend and waiting for my two weeks’ vacation? Am I going to give up my gypsy ways? I think not.

I may be here for a while but I am moving forward not back and not in loops. I won’t settle for an average life. I want adventure and I want the world but a good friend once told me,” the world is not enough,” certainly not for this Gringa.

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