Thursday, January 5, 2012

The Ann Summers Party

I have always traveled with the motive to learn about cultures and get to know the people of the land that I am visiting. A destination is more than just a destination. I have couch surfed, I hung out with the Mayans in Guatemala, I went to a Coca leaf fortune teller in Bolivia, I went to a wedding in Bogota Colombia, I eat what the locals do and take local transportation.

You know how the saying goes: When in Rome, do as the Romans.

Well When in England, do as the English and attend an Ann Summers Party

That’s right I passed up Big Ben, Buckingham Palace and the London Eye and decided to investigate a very English tradition; Kinky sex toys, sexy panties and vibrators. Now don’t get me wrong we aren’t prudes in Canada we have sex shops and lingerie stores and I do believe we have parties like Ann Summers but they are called Fantasia parties however I do not know of anyone who has had or been to a fantasia party so do they really exist? Maybe it’s like Canadians and waxing; I know you can get your legs waxed here but I do not actually know anyone who does it or where it would be done, just not something we do so much.

Ann Summers is a British institution with stores all over the UK where you can find clothes, lingerie, dress up, sex toys and more. The retail store dates back to 1970 when the male founder named the company after his female secretary. She must have be quite the talented secretary to get a sex shop named after her if you know what I mean. She is now a multi Millionaire living in Italy and left him not too long after the company was founded.

In 1981 the party plan concept was created and took off. Now there are over 7500 party organizers employed and there are around 4000 Ann Summers parties every week in the UK.

My Friend Sasha is one such Party Organizer as a way to earn extra money while she attends Uni. Her roommate was the party host and had around twenty girls squished into a very small kitchen. Sasha was learning the Party Rep trade from her supervisor so she was to assist and observe.

Sasha warned us of her supervisor but It was a bit of a shock the see this very large woman walk in with a suit case full of sexy costumes and vibrators. She was overweight, with very large breast and tattoos. She has a very rough English accent and apparently her very well pleased husband is a biker.

This was the woman who was going to try and sell us panties and vibrators?!

Well I had to hand it to her she did know her stuff and was very honest but the way she said, “Now you get your fucking tits in there...”

As well the way you hygienically test out a vibrator is by putting it to your nose and if it makes you sneeze than your good to go. Sneezing is supposed to be the closest thing to an orgasm. This woman has now ruined sneezing for me. Every time I sneeze I think dirty thoughts. I think enough dirty thoughts as it is but now I have her vision in my head saying, “Ya init.” With her very large cupped bras she used as her demos.

We were warned not to put them on our heads because once they were out of the catalogue they went in her dresser. I had to force back the urge which I didn’t have until she mentioned it.

Now I find I am quite adventurous sexually but when we did a game where you racked up points on various sex exploits you had gotten yourself into I had stiff competition with girls who were 10 years younger than me. It’s always the girl you least expect sitting in the corner quiet all night that wins those competitions...or um...friendly games. The damn girl even won animal orgasm bingo.

In the end, the flavoured lube was tempting but I could see myself sitting on my next train starving not wanting to pay the extortionate cost for train food with nothing but flavoured lube to suck on, not such a good idea. Same goes for the chocolate penises. I could just see myself saying to my neighbor, "Would you care for a chocolate peni? That's plural for penis right? ...No? oh... OK then...cotton candy flavored lube? Taste just like at the fair"

The Lingerie was nice but highly over priced even without taking the exchange rate into consideration and who would I show it to? Read the tag line of this blog, “The random life of a SINGLE female traveller.” Could you imagine if I whipped out undies with straps and a garter or a lacy teddy if I met someone along the way? Who packs that shit in their back pack? Honestly though do guys really pay attention to fancy panties? Also I’m not sure what customs would think upon discovering a rabbit vibrator in my suitcase. I have enough problems crossing borders with my dodgy passport.

At least now I can say I have experienced a truly English tradition, I have attended an Ann Summers party; a fun night out with the girls. Boyfriends across Britain have a man and his office affairs with his secretary to thank.

P.S. Just an after thought but is it just me or does the Ann Summers logo look strangely like the logo for Apple Computers? Coincidence?

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